 |
| SCRIBBLES MAGAZINE COVER FROM OCT. 1990 IN MEMORY OF MY FATHER |
My parents separated when I was 9, which I feel was the bravest and wisest decision my mother ever made. My father was a very troubled man and I'll spare you the details of the abuse he inflicted upon my mother, my sister and I, prior to mom leaving him and starting a new life with my step-father.
My father and I lived hundreds of miles apart and had very little contact throughout the last 20 years of his life. I had forgiven him for the things he had done in the past and we were civil towards each other, but that was about it.
When my mother came to my workplace 25 years ago today and said "Your father is dead", my immediate response was "He killed himself, didn't he?" Somehow, I just knew.
At his funeral, I got to see the many people who were truly hurt that Keith was gone. Friends and family who interacted with him on a regular basis.
Having myself attempted suicide in the past, I learned something the day we said goodbye to my father. I saw the pain and anguish of those who loved him and told myself to always remember this.
It's not always been easy, but when I've been in that deep dark pit of despair, I recall my grieving grandma and the others who were devastated by my father's actions. Then I visualize how MY family and friends would feel if I were to follow in his footsteps.
****************
Dad, I wish you had of reached out to your loved ones instead of a loaded gun, Your actions taught me something I will try never to forget. And as I've sat here carefully choosing what to say and what not to, I've realized something.
I miss you too.